One thing I learn, and continue to learn, is that it is very easy to compare ourselves with others.

Not all comparisons are bad. Just like stress, a small dose can be motivational. But they always end in frustration and bitterness—for a few good reasons.

You only see success stories from winners. Those who give up don’t talk about their struggle. Which means you tend to underestimate the amount of effort required to achieve the goal. So it is normal to feel behind when you fail to live up to your high expectations.

Survivorship bias also hides the full cost of success. You only see the results of these success stories. As Soichiro Honda, the founder of carmaker Honda, once said “People only see my success. They don’t see the 99% of failures, struggles, and sacrifices that made the 1% success possible.”

You don’t see the messy journey of sacrifices behind the scenes.

This reminded me of a study where married couples were asked to estimate their own contributions to relationships likehousehold chores, childcare, or emotional labor. Both partners tended to claim they did more than 50%.

While you have a full view of your own thoughts, you can only observe others' actions from the outside—like looking into a garden through a window, seeing the movements but not the glum, grit, and dirt.

What does this all mean?

You’re doing just fine. Keep your head down and continuously improve by 1% every day.

You might think you’re not improving because of the struggle. But the struggle is a sign of improvement.

If a goal is too easy, you get bored and stop doing it. If it is too hard, you give up. So the best type of challenge is one that is neither too easy nor too hard, right at the edge of your ability, enough to stretch without breaking you. So to improve is to struggle.

Should you stop comparing yourself to others?

It is always better to compare your current self against your past self. But it is also normal to compare yourself against others. And it isn’t always a bad thing*. And sometimes the comparison itself isn’t the issue but your response.

For example:

Instead of "I wish I could be as good..", you can ask "What's one step I can take today to move closer to that level?"

Instead of "Why can't I...", you can ask "What specific obstacles are in my way?"

Instead of "Maybe I'm just not good enough" you can ask "Who has mastered this that I can learn from?"

Instead of "When will I get there?" you can ask "Am I making progress?"

Progress isn’t a straight line. A few small wins and countless falls. You will overestimate what you can achieve in 1 year and underestimate what you can accomplish in 10 years. That’s just how it is. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. If you think you’re not good enough, that means you’re in the dip phase—putting in a lot of effort with little progress. This is the point where you're most stretched. It is also the point where improvement begins. Go slow to go fast.

*Comparing is a survival instinct. We look at others who have more food, sharper tools, etc so we can learn to increase our survival chances.